1
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,959
I don't know how to do it.

2
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,319
Like I keep trying to fit
the parts into the parts,

3
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,959
and there are both too many parts
and not enough parts.

4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,959
And I'm highly aware that I keep
saying the word "parts."

5
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,959
We've tried every way.

6
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,959
That does not fit into that.

7
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:21,959
- Yeah.
- Mm.

8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,959
We should probably
start calling that Olivia.

9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,959
I could swear
there's way more male buttons

10
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:28,959
than female buttons.

11
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,959
Well, that's the bloody
patriarchy for you.

12
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,959
Yeah. I'd like
a white babygrow, please.

13
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,959
We have to stop stressing.

14
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,959
Today I am going to find the joy

15
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,999
of being in the now
with a baby called Olivia.

16
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,959
- Hm.
- Not everything fits

17
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,639
but everything works.

18
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,959
Ta-da!

19
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,959
OLIVIA CRYING
AND FARTING

20
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,959
SQUELCHING

21
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,960
Did you have to do that?

22
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,959
UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

23
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,960
DOG BARKING

24
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:01,960
Hiya!

25
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Oh, my God!

26
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,959
Cute baby, Joy!

27
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,959
OMINOUS CHOIR MUSIC PLAYS
Thank you.

28
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,959
I mean, it's not yours, but by
all means gobble up the compliment.

29
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,319
Yeah, I'm helping out a friend
who's working on her marriage.

30
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,959
She's gone away with her husband
to talk things through,

31
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,959
hopefully they'll have
their problems ironed out

32
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,319
before close of business today.

33
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,959
My parents are always telling me
that I'm the reason they broke up,

34
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,959
which is nice.
- Aw.

35
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,959
Are you trying to do the same thing?

36
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,959
Oh, honey, she won't be able
to answer you.

37
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:35,959
She's a baby.

38
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,479
I know, Joy. It was rhetorical.

39
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,479
Ooh, somebody swallowed
a dictionary.

40
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:41,959
JOY CHUCKLES

41
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,479
Don't come any closer, Joy.

42
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,959
OMINOUS CHOIR MUSIC PLAYS

43
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,959
I find babies
massively intimidating.

44
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,319
JOY CHUCKLES

45
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,959
Heard the baby talk, Joy.

46
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,319
And just so you know,

47
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,959
if she gets hungry or anything,
you know, you can...

48
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,959
Don't feed the baby fig rolls,
I know. Ha!

49
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,480
No, I meant, you know,
happy to help out.

50
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,799
I meant to stop myself ages ago
but here I am, mum-of-two.

51
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,960
I'm sorry, are you suggesting
that you would...

52
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,959
- That...
- What?

53
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,639
- That's disgusting.
- That's disgusting.

54
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,959
That is disgusting.

55
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,959
- That's disgusting.
- That's disgusting.

56
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,959
I meant I would hold the baby, Joy.

57
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,320
- Yeah, and I have formula, Karen.
- Good. Use it.

58
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,959
I used to hate babies
too, Phillip.

59
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,959
I never said I hated them, Joy.

60
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:30,959
But they change you.

61
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:35,959
You change. I can't explain it.
- Joy, it's not your baby.

62
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:36,959
I used to think they were gross,

63
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,959
but they're quite good,
aren't they?

64
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,959
- Once you can hand them back.
- Ha-ha. Totally.

65
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,959
OK, let's get down to business.

66
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,959
So this week was good.
It was, erm, funny.

67
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,959
You know, the whole


68
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,479
which was quite a surprise
to all of us here.

69
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,959
And then the snogging
in the chipper thing

70
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,159
was a fun pivot away from that,

71
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,959
you know, a nice development
in the ongoing quest for happiness.

72
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,479
Thank you. Super-planned.

73
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,959
OK, well, if you could let us in
on those plans in the future

74
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,959
because we're a team here.
- Gotcha.

75
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,959
And I do think that we can bag
a permanent sponsor

76
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,320
if we continue to carve out
our niche uniquely.

77
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,999
Uniqueness.

78
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,959
Yes, I've been watching Flora
and loads of other unique people,

79
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,959
and I want to be exactly like them.

80
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,959
Today, I'm going to find
the joy of parenting

81
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,319
with this little munchkinhead.

82
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,959
I think a lot of parents
are like me.

83
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:29,959
Joy, there are no parents like you.

84
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,959
Maybe there's not many,
but there's some.

85
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,959
- Stan.
- I think if I can get parents

86
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,959
to be at one with their children,
the whole joy of parenting

87
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,959
is just going
to flow more naturally.

88
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,159
Do you know what,
I'm going to do

89
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,959
bullet points for Trish
when I'm done.

90
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,959
Do you know one thing that
I have learned from being a parent?

91
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,639
Having been a parent to a baby
that's not yours, that you...

92
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,959
It's just...
..basically had for an hour,

93
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,959
that's been asleep
the majority of the time.

94
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,959
I think that it's just like
we get so caught up.

95
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,959
No, I don't think so.
Where's time for me?

96
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,159
How do I fit her into my life?

97
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,639
Knock, knock in there,
you are missing everything.

98
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,959
Just slow down and relax, you know?

99
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,960
They grow up so quickly.
Stan, they grow up so fast.

100
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:11,960
All right.

101
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,799
- Honest quezzie?
- Shoot.

102
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,959
Are you worried about
seeming patronising and insane?

103
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,800
No. Next quezzie.

104
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:28,959
No further quezzies.

105
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,480
Perfect. Aw!

106
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,960
Joy.

107
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,640
Roughly how long are you
going to be asleep for?

108
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:48,999
KNOCKS
Knock, knock.

109
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,959
Who's there?

110
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,959
I don't get
who you're playing today.

111
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,959
A working mum, struggling to keep
her work-life balance in check?

112
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,959
- Yes.
- For literally one day?

113
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,159
One whole day.

114
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,959
OK, I was just wondering
because my mum was a single mum,

115
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,959
and she raised me for more
than one day, and it was hard.

116
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:07,959
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.

117
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,959
- It was really hard.
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm. I know.

118
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,959
All mums have their journeys, Stan.

119
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,799
But don't worry, I'm pretty zen.

120
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,959
Yeah, I'm not really worried about

121
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,959
how you'll get on
for literally one day.

122
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,959
I appreciate your concern, Stan.

123
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,799
Christie was exactly the same.

124
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,999
She was like, "Joy,"
and I was like, "I know."

125
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,959
You know what she's like.
But I don't know.

126
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,959
Olivia's so chill
when she's around me.

127
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,959
- Now you're chill.
- I think she just gets my chill

128
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,960
transmitted to her or whatever.
- OK.

129
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,159
Still asleep.

130
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,479
Do you know that some babies

131
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,959
start singing
before they start talking?

132
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,959
- Really?
- Yeah, I know this.

133
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
I read it on the Internet.

134
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,959
I'm here instead of Trish,
and this is baby Olivia.

135
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,159
No problem at all. You just
sign in there, thank you.

136
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,959
And we'll give Olivia a sticker.

137
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,959
- Stickers!
- There you go.

138
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,959
- So cute.
- Uh-huh.

139
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,959
Do you know, if you learn
the tambourine early,

140
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,960
you'll be good
at science and biz work.

141
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,960
Tambourine time.

142
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,640
BABIES CRYING

143
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,959
Welcome, everybody.

144
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:32,479
Excuse me, you can't film
in this space.

145
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,959
OK, cool.

146
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,959
We're about to begin,
if you'd just like to take a seat.

147
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,959
- I don't have a baby.
- Take a seat.

148
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:39,959
- But I don't...
- Take a seat.

149
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960
Yeah.

150
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,640
BABIES CRYING

151
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,959
Oh, Seana's a right bruiser,
isn't she?

152
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,959
Very large head.

153
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
I'm sure that was sore enough
for you.

154
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,959
Emily's lovely and hairy,
isn't she?

155
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,959
Well, I guess that makes sense
cos so are you.

156
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:06,639
I mean you've both got
lovely hair on your head.

157
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,959
This little one has got a bald patch
at the back

158
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:09,959
from rubbing her head so much,

159
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,959
but it'll grow back. We can always
throw in a few extensions.

160
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:14,959
She's the image of you.

161
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,959
Oh, no, that's not possible because,

162
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,959
er, I've got longer hair
than she does,

163
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,959
and her nose is squashier.

164
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,959
But they all look the same
at this age, anyway, don't they?

165
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,319
Hope I don't take the wrong
one home with me today.

166
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,639
LAUGHS

167
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,959
But, yeah, I guess she does look
like me, because after all,

168
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,959
I did push her right out of me.
Human Aidan!

169
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,959
Hey, Joy.

170
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,960
BABIES CRYING

171
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:51,960
You have a baby.

172
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,959
- So do you.
- I do.

173
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,159
- Isn't it something?
- Isn't it?

174
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,959
Is this your first time?

175
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,479
First time, yeah.
Tambourine time. Yay!

176
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,959
- Yeah, it's lots of fun!
- Isn't it fun?!

177
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,959
- Isn't it just the most fun ever?!
- Yeah!

178
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,959
OK, everyone, let's pick up
our tambourines and shake.

179
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,959
Let's try to connect
with each other

180
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,959
and our babies through the music.

181
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,959
It can be lonely out there
as a solo artist.

182
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,959
And shake 'em.

183
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,960
BABIES CRYING

184
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,960
Yay, baby!

185
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,159
- Five, four...
- Five, four...

186
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,959
My wee's on there.

187
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,639
Two...

188
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,960
- One.
- One.

189
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,639
RELIEVED SIGH
It's a no!

190
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,959
SHE LAUGHS
It's a no!

191
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,959
EXHALES SLOWLY
It's no.

192
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,959
Yeah, yeah, I heard you first time.

193
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,479
It's no.

194
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:59,640
BABIES CRYING

195
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,960
Joy? Joy.

196
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,479
I can't actually believe I'm seeing
you, and you've got a baby.

197
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,959
Congratulations.
- Yes, exactly.

198
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,959
I mean, she's gorgeous.
How old is she?

199
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,479
Oh, she's a year or whatever,
give or take.

200
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,319
A-A...

201
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:29,959
Oh, she's a year minus seven months,
carry the one,

202
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,959
add all the days,
minus all the days.

203
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,799
You know the way you work it out
like that. So she's three months.

204
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,959
But I'm not a slave to the calendar,
Aidan, that's not my jam.

205
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:42,959
God, wow, well, I mean,
she's big for three months.

206
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,959
Well, I'm not into body-shaming
babies, Aidan.

207
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,799
No, it's just she's gotten
like all of her teeth.

208
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,799
She's very advanced.
What's your point, caller?

209
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:50,959
♪ Uhh! ♪
SHE CHUCKLES

210
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:51,959
Anyway, enough about us.
Yours is nice.

211
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,959
Yeah. Yeah, she's amazing.
We're thrilled.

212
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,959
We?

213
00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,159
Yeah, so I needed,
like, another party to...

214
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,159
Oh, I know all about that.

215
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,960
Yeah, me and Sarah.

216
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,959
Told you.

217
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,319
I told you you guys
should be together. Told you!

218
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,959
Sickened, sickened, Aidan.
Sickened!

219
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,959
Actually it wasn't long after...

220
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,959
I don't need to know.
I know how babies are made.

221
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,479
Whoo!
- Yeah.

222
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,999
Sure, didn't I make one
myself with...

223
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,960
- With?
- With...

224
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,479
...this really, really,
really, really,

225
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:35,959
oh, really beautiful Australian
yoga stunner with tiny pores.

226
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,800
So I'm not exactly
sweating it here, mister.

227
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:41,999
And he's an Aries.

228
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,959
He's an Aries? An Aries?!

229
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,960
Wow!
- Yeah.

230
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:49,960
I know.

231
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,959
I have to go. We have to go.
Don't we, Olivia? Don't we, Stan?

232
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,960
Don't we, everyone? Yes, we do,
that's right. Goodbye, Aidan.

233
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,639
Oh, Joy.

234
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,959
Joy? It's...

235
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,959
Ooh! Cooee!

236
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,959
Oh.

237
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,959
Keep meaning to set up
Deliveroo for this one.

238
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,639
Yeah.

239
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,959
So, look, I mean,
I haven't seen you in a year.

240
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,959
Do you want to go and get
a cup of tea or something?

241
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,960
Aw, I'd love to, but I really
don't want to, so I can't.

242
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:29,959
I mean, I don't drink tea
any more after 11am.

243
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:30,959
I'm so sorry.

244
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,959
That's cool.

245
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,959
I mean, we can go get a glass
of milk or a Pepsi.

246
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,959
Yeah, I just... thank you,
but I... I'm really busy.

247
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,959
I have a lot of things
to do this afternoon.

248
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:46,159
- Cool. What are you doing?
- Will.

249
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,959
I'm going to do him.

250
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,479
Will's my baby daddy.
That's his name.

251
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:55,000
And I have plans
to meet him and do him.

252
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,159
OK. Well, that's impressive,

253
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,959
seeing as your baby's only three
months old

254
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,639
and has this massive head.

255
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,959
So, good on you.

256
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,959
Well, I snapped right back.

257
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,959
CLICKS TONGUE

258
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:16,959
So which way are you
and Mr Aries Guy headed?

259
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,319
Yeah, going to meet him,

260
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:23,639
I guess, all around here,
and then we're gonna... here.

261
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,000
Do you want to go back inside
and maybe have a cup of not tea?

262
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:28,960
While waiting?

263
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,959
Stan, I'd better go
and help this guy out.

264
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,960
Nice buggy, by the way.

265
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,639
Suits you, the buggy.
- Thanks.

266
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,159
So is Sarah quite large now?

267
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,320
No, no, not at all.

268
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,319
Oh.
SHE SNORTS

269
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,639
Hey, how about I just threw
everything

270
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:06,959
off course here for a second

271
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,959
and told you
I was falling in love with you.

272
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,959
Stay positive
and keep it real.

273
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,959
Remember, it's all chill with Will.

274
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:15,960
Stay there!

275
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,959
For some crazy reason,
that guy over there

276
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,959
thinks that I'm the baby's mum
and you're the dad. Bonkers!

277
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,959
Some people are so weird.
- Get fucked.

278
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,959
And do you know what else
is just really chill

279
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,959
and not bonkers at all?
You playing along with it

280
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,959
and me
explaining it all to you later.

281
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,959
Does that sound namaste?
Is that chill with Will?

282
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:37,959
You can't pretend to be the mother

283
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,959
of someone else's child, Joy,
that's too much.

284
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,959
Please, I just need to get through
the next half an hour, Will.

285
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,959
Please, please.
- This is gonna screw with my karma.

286
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,959
- Please, Will.
- It's insane.

287
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,479
- Labels, Will, please.
- No.

288
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,639
- Please.
- No.

289
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,959
You're not some kind of rabid dingo
that can just run off with a kid.

290
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,159
Exactly. I'm not running off
with her forever.

291
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,959
That's what makes me a good dingo.

292
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,959
I bring the baby back.
- You're not a dingo, Joy.

293
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:01,959
Please. Please, Will.

294
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,159
- No. No.
- Please. Please.

295
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,959
Please, Will, please.
Let's be dingoes together.

296
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,959
Please, Will, please.
Please, please, please, please.

297
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:13,960
- How many times can I say no?
- Oh, brilliant! OK.

298
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,959
- This is human Aidan.
- How is my little furry friend?

299
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,960
Well, mate, I'm not gonna lie,
that's kind of harsh.

300
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,159
Oh, no. He's talking... You're
talking about Canine Aidan, the dog.

301
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,159
Yeah, no, he's good.

302
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,959
I think he's completely over you,
which is great.

303
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,959
- Oh, OK.
- Who's this bundle of fun here?

304
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,960
Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha!
Such a funny fucker.

305
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,959
Keeps it so fresh when he does that.
You little gag monster.

306
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,959
Well, congratulations.

307
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,959
Ah, thanks, mate.

308
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,959
Yeah, I guess
300K subscribers is quite a lot.

309
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,999
CHUCKLES,
CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

310
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,959
No. Phew. For once, not my baby.

311
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Ha-ha-ha.

312
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,319
Will?

313
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,959
Don't look at me.
I haven't had an accident.

314
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:09,959
I haven't done that in years.

315
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,959
No, yeah, Will, will you
change the baby?

316
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,960
That's not part of the deal.

317
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:19,999
Play the daddy.

318
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,960
PHONE RINGS

319
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,960
BABY CRYING

320
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,959
Oh, got to go. OK, honey.

321
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,959
Be the daddy,
be the daddy.

322
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,959
You... one...
CRYING CONTINUES

323
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,959
OMINOUS CHOIR MUSIC PLAYS

324
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,959
'Hi, Joy.'
- Hi!

325
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,159
'Just checking in.
Hope everything's OK with Olivia.'

326
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,959
Yeah. Olivia's in safe hands.
She's in the safest hands.

327
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,960
Uh, OK, bye.

328
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,959
INHALES SHARPLY
Ohh!

329
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,959
Honey. Honey face.

330
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,959
Could you go and change
our baby's bum?

331
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,639
Oh, gross. No way. No.

332
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,959
He's like a stand-up comedian,
isn't he?

333
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,959
Ha-ha.
- Can you take the baby?

334
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:14,479
Oh. Sure. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
He's my rock.

335
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,959
He makes me feel like me
but better.

336
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,959
Yeah, he's great.

337
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,959
Do you know what, Aidan, I actually
really needed a wee anyway, so.

338
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,959
- Perfect.
- I'll get it. I'll change her.

339
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,959
Will, I'll... I'll take her.
You relax.

340
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,319
He's wrecked.
- Poor guy.

341
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:33,959
GROANS
In we pop.

342
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,799
- Do you want a hand?
- No, no, I've got it.

343
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,959
I'm literally doing this all day
and all night.

344
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,959
- Its arm.
- No, no, she's grand.

345
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,959
Her arm goes that way.
- But that one, that arm.

346
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,959
They're all individuals, Aidan.
They all do their own thing.

347
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,959
Gas, aren't they?
You're like a supermom.

348
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,319
Yeah, I am. Thank you.

349
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,639
- Oh, that's stuck there.
- Yeah, no, it's good.

350
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,319
It's a new buggy that you're better
off doing it this way with it.

351
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,959
- Oh, yeah?
- It's just...

352
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:59,959
it's new technology with it.
- Just move that table, maybe.

353
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,959
- That's good. I got it.
- Yeah, I'm doing it anyway. Fine.

354
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,959
Yeah, I have it.
CHAIR SCRAPING

355
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960
- Got it.
- Off you pop.

356
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,959
I have that now, yeah.
I have that now.

357
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,320
- See you later, supermom!
- Thank you.

358
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:16,959
OK. Shh, shh, shh.

359
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,999
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Dor-dor-dor-dor.

360
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,959
Oh, this is conven...
Absolutely perfect.

361
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,959
Yes, and ducks and geese...
♪ And all the different things

362
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,799
♪ We have to do with the nappies. ♪

363
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,959
You're being rude.

364
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,959
OK. There. There.
We just...

365
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,959
Ohh, we're going. Ah!

366
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,799
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh, my God, you stink!

367
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,799
Oh! Oh, good God.
OLIVIA CRIES

368
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,959
OK, we'll... OK, hang on.

369
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,479
♪ Ducks and clothes... ♪

370
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,959
♪ To you. ♪

371
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,959
♪ Oranges

372
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,479
♪ We'll go... ♪

373
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,159
GAGS
Oh, my God.

374
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,959
What is Trish feeding you?

375
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,319
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

376
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,799
CRYING CONTINUES
Ugh!

377
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,959
And I think that they self-stick.

378
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:11,959
Oh!

379
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,999
Oh, God. I hear you.

380
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,959
I hear you, I hear you. Shh.

381
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,959
Shh.
CRYING CONTINUES

382
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:23,960
Oh, God.

383
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,960
♪ Everything nice. ♪

384
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,960
You're kidding me.
CRYING CONTINUES

385
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,959
Now...

386
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,959
Sorry that took so long.
The flap kept collapsing.

387
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,999
Oh, the doctors say that's extremely
common after a natural birth.

388
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,959
Oh, listen, Joy, I'm just gonna
come straight out and say it.

389
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,960
It's just so weird the way
your baby looks like Trish.

390
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,159
Oh, my God.

391
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,959
Oh, my God.

392
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,639
I'm so sorry, Aidan.

393
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,319
I just thought it would be fun
to say that she was mine

394
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,159
because I didn't know
anybody in the class,

395
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:07,959
and then all of a sudden
you were there.

396
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,480
And you were there.

397
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,959
And I...

398
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,959
It's OK, Joy.
I mean, it makes sense.

399
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,959
You're just...

400
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,960
You're not a baby person.

401
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,160
Well, maybe I wasn't
a baby person with you.

402
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,959
Maybe.

403
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,959
Catch you guys later.

404
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:32,960
Yeah, maybe.

405
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,959
Idea.

406
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,999
Why don't we ditch this baby idiot,

407
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,959
go and make out
on O'Connell, Grafton

408
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,959
and other cool
Irish things like that?

409
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,959
Will, I'm not ditching the baby.

410
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:53,959
OK. Well, you know what?
I'm out of here.

411
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,959
It's been fun, Joy, it has, but
I've got some major Irish landmarks

412
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,959
to go and take selfies at
for the fans.

413
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,959
And babies, you know,
they're not part of the brand.

414
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,959
Make every second count.
That's what I say.

415
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,959
Oh, and that baby? So negative.

416
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,959
See you later, guys.
Oh, and don't forget to subscribe.

417
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,959
- Yeah, I won't.
- Hey, what's up everyone?

418
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,959
So I'm about to go see some statues.

419
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,959
Apparently all the statues
in Ireland move.

420
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,319
He's so funny.

421
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,960
- He seems really nice.
- He is.

422
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,960
Aidan, I'm really glad
things worked out for you.

423
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
It's good to see you, Joy.

424
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,160
It's good to see you.

425
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,960
Hey. Gotcha.

426
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:54,960
JOY CHUCKLES

427
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,960
There's a knack to them, defo.

428
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,960
Easy peasy does it.

429
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,000
- This is nice.
- Mm.

430
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:21,639
I've never had a bath
with a... a girlfriend before.

431
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,959
HE CHUCKLES
No, yeah, defo.

432
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:25,960
Me neither.

433
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,959
OLIVIA COOS

434
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,959
DOOR OPENS,
JOY SNORTS

435
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,959
I'm here, I'm here!

436
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,479
JOY SNORTS
Oh, fuck.

437
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:38,959
How did Olivia get outside?

438
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,959
Trish, hey, how did it go today?

439
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,799
Joy, the key was in the door.

440
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,959
How long has it been there?
Three, four, five hours?

441
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:47,960
I don't know.

442
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,960
You are amazing.

443
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:54,999
How do you do it?
I don't know how you do it.

444
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,959
I don't think I am doing it.

445
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,960
Girl, you are doing it.

446
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,999
Did you find out that babies aren't
actually that relaxing after all?

447
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,959
Trish, I don't care what anyone
says, parenthood is hard!

448
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,959
Literally everyone says that, Joy.

449
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,479
- Do they?
- Yeah.

450
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,960
They're right.

451
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,960
Thank you for today, Joy.
Thank you for trying.

452
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:30,960
Mm.

453
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,960
I'm so tired.

454
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:48,959
Night-night, Canine Aidan.

455
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,959
'I know you met him today,

456
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,959
'but I'm OK
because I know you're OK.'

457
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,480
You know, Canine Aidan...

458
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,959
...maybe I could be a baby person.

459
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,959
'I'm your baby, Joy, you lunatic!'

460
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,159
UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

461
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,960
DOG BARKING

462
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,799
DOGS HOWLING

463
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com